I’ve had a couple of experiences in my life where I truly DREADED being poor. To be honest, those moments are the reason why I worked really hard and put myself to a high standard.
In February 2012, when my dad was in the ICU, we needed a lot of money for his meds and hospital stay. My poor mother would tell me she needed to raise at least P40,000 a day (about $750 USD) to keep my dad alive. She borrowed money from people, me and my sisters did too. Borrowed money from friends, coworkers, relatives, even people we did not like so much. I did the same. My sister and I even made a joke that we would borrow money from at least 3 ex-boyfriends. And not pay them back, lol.
I continued to work really hard and gave all of my money to my mom. I was in my early twenties at that time. I did not have a car, I was freelancing and starting my events business, and I went around the city for gigs. My mother would line up for LINGAP and other types of government assistance. For hours. Every day. (Actually this post was inspired by another viral post about Lingap.)
Day by day, we were so exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. Then we would hide all our exhaustion in front of our dad, whom we had to stay optimistic for every time we saw him.
This went on for about 3 months, and then early April, my dad passed away.
We “lost” the battle. Not only did I lose my father, we were neck-deep in debt.
It was such a surreal experience. I actually did not grieve my dad properly until 2 years after because I was just so busy working. I wanted to take my mom out of the rut of all the debt, which I knew was so heavy on her, too.
One day, I saw her eating Pastil. It’s rice with a little bit of meat in the middle. It’s enfolded into a piece of banana leaf and you eat it like a ball of rice. An affordable “meal”. Unprompted, she said:
“I like eating this, it’s a complete meal in one go. And it’s the cheapest food I can find.”
That moment forever changed something in me. Still to this day when I think about it, it still breaks my heart. I fondly called this my PASTIL MOMENT. That was the moment I told myself:
THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is NEVER happening to my mother or my sisters again.
The next few years I was all about work. I worked long hours, took every opportunity I could find, networked, pitched, did not care about my health.
In 2013 I was able to buy a car in cash. Opened my first downtown office. In 2016, I started traveling internationally and got serious with my online business. In 2017, I literally 20x-ed my income from 2012.
I remember buying my first ever brand new SUV, giving my mom her own credit card, and paying for her education. (She wanted to finish her degree, so she went back to school at 50.) I was also supporting my youngest sister in university, and my other sister for her move to the US. (Also to help support our mom financially.)
As the eldest child of our family, this is a point of pride for me. But, my, I do not wish my experience to have happened to anyone. I was full of grit but also anger. I was angry and vengeful towards God. I became selfish.
Looking back, I feel like I did the best I could. But still, I wish my mom did not suffer so much. In 2018 my mom passed away from cancer, a hidden illness we knew nothing about. She was only in the hospital for 5 days. I think a huge part of it was the damage of all the hardships we had from Papa being sick.
When I reflect on this situation, the hardest 10 years of my life, I give myself a little credit for staying strong and positive. For always telling myself, it WILL get better. It helps me in deciding how I choose to act when faced with a difficult situation.
My parents were the best people and they raised me well. But it was my Pastil Moment that really shaped my fervor for protecting my family from any other hardship. This is why I continue to show up and do my best in many areas of my life. Plus – my parents are watching and I know they would not want me to waste all those lessons.
What was your PASTIL MOMENT?
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