I don’t want children.
I’ve said that statement so many times for the past few months (yes, I have just decided) and I’ve received all sorts of backlash by having this decision. I’ve been told I’m just being selfish. Vain, that I must hate having stretchmarks. That I’m just “broken”. That my husband will leave me. That I’d “put my genes to waste”. That I will regret it.
First off, I’m not being selfish. I don’t want children because I want all my time, money and energy to my partner, my family, myself, and my community. At the present, I manage businesses and I’m also taking care of my own passions. I love it so far. Also, stretchmarks are so 90s. I can easily prevent them now. My husband / partner deserves to leave if he only wants me for offspring, and not for me. He needs to understand that he should make the conscious decision to be with a woman, her own person, with her own hopes, dreams, and paradigms, and not just a bearer of kin. I’m not “broken”, and I am not “putting my genes to waste” because I’m still contributing a lot to society now. Mostly, we really don’t know what we’ll regret—because that’s the nature of regrets—so we’ll just cross the bridge when we get there.
The sad thing with the people in my periphery is that they always make me feel small whenever I tell them this decision. Some are shocked, and the less progressive ones always rebut me with the reasons stated above. Then they proceed to asking me lots of things. Like they were probing for some psychological dysfunction because I’m having an “irregular decision”. Like I owe them an explanation for not wanting kids.
Girls, if you ever feel like you’re in this situation too, just prepare a one-liner and be ready for the backlash afterwards. (My one-liner is in bold letters above.) But don’t be ashamed of your choice. Instead, be calm, and take it as an opportunity to educate other people. Don’t feel the need to convince them, just state your case and agree to disagree. If you change one or two minds, make one or two people understand, then consider that a small win for humanity.
Several worldwide problems can be traced to overpopulation; so whatever contribution I can make to reduce it, I think it would be helpful. Although I always make it clear that if I do change my mind and it will be too late, I am very happy with having adoption as an option. Lots of children deserve loving homes and education, and by then, I would want to be able to give them just that. Book a quick trip to DSWD (Department of Social Welfare and Development) and you’ll get your answers.
Modern women have a lot on their hands. People expect us to “have it all”. However, we must remind ourselves that the concept of “all” always rests on our judgments, and whatever is the best way to achieve it must be the way to go. Always. For every woman. We don’t owe the world an explanation, we don’t owe the world goods, or achievements, or children. For Filipinas, this is a radical stand, but we must always strive to change how the society treats us.
I don’t want children. I also don’t deserve to be antagonized for this decision.
Now don’t get me wrong. Of course babies are cute. But when they stop being cute, there’s bills, education, poop, and constant demands for energy, money, and time. I don’t think I want to sign up for that. And yes, children can bring you immense joy. But I get immense joy from other areas of my life. See these? 🙂
Here’s a quick photo roll of my life:
Winning a national hall-of-fame award from one of our youth leadership projects for JCI.
Co-organizing an art event with the Department of Tourism
Posing with Paolo of TV5, after their generous feature on our Valentine’s Day gifts. I currently co-own a gift shop with my sister, Lendle.
With my sisters at a surprise lunch buffet treat
Yoga with my gal pals
Goosebumps from finally being able to see some of my favorite poets perform live (Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye of Project Voice)
NOW, if you still want to antagonize me for my choice, YOU ARE THE DYSFUNCTIONAL DEMON (not me). LOLJK 😛