I like taking public utility jeepneys because I enjoy the experience. The feeling of the wind on your face, of “meeting” ten different people in one sitting and of course, the feeling of helping cut down the carbon emissions. (As if!) BTW, I get to save loads of money too. Imagine, your first breath in a taxi is P40 while a 4 kilometer jeepney ride is just a mere P8. See, I looooooooove riding the jeepney. However, there are certain people who turn the experience sour. Let me introduce them to you.
1. Slimy Lovebirds – Nah-ah. I’m not jealous. I’ve been going out with the same person for about three years and we’re doing better than ever. There are just some lovers who take the jeepney and then crawl over each other as if they’re at their own living rooms. They’re pains in the eyeballs. Instead of them being ashamed of themselves, you become ashamed of “intruding” something. Bah. I hope they don’t forget to pay their fares.
2. Ms./Mr. Loudspeaker – It’s okay to talk; it’s not okay if you’re heard for about five seats away. I hate having to share the jeepney with someone who talks and talks and talks all throughout the ride and competing with the noise of the midday streets. These are the times when I’d wish I had an MP3 player with me.
3. Open SesaMEN – These are men who refuse to shut their legs together even when the jeepney is too crowded and the people who just arrived sit uncomfortably. Let’s be sensitive guys. The jeepney is designed for a certain number of people WHO ARE EXPECTED TO KEEP THEIR LEGS SHUT. To all the males reading this post, keep your legs shut for Goddess’ sake. But if you don’t want to, I hope your balls will fall off and get ran over by a rusty multicab.
4. Ms./Mr. Head-to-Foot – Although I am confident that whenever I go out of the house I always smell good and look fine, there are just some people who fail to maximize their free time wallowing in their ugliness that they just have to want to make you feel it too. I’m talking about those people (mostly girls) who spend the whole ride staring at you, from your hair to your toenails to your bag to your cell phone model. I don’t really know what’s wrong with them. Or is it their first time to see a real, live human being?
5. The Classic Manyakis – Oh you know them. They’re the ones who will stare at you and automatically commit simulated rape. They will salivate with just a peek of your toes and they love staring at your lips. Tip: Dress comfortably when taking the jeepney. Spare your skin from the prying eyes of these psycho-sexual predators.
Next time you take a jeepney ride, take a quick look if any of these bastards are around. And if you see more than one of them in one jeepney, remind yourself to bring a voodoo doll and a needle next time. Happy commuting!