Recently, the single bug bit me…hard. I’ve read a number of write-ups and blog entries that feature people who rant about their being single, how “time is running out” and how finding “The One” gets harder and harder each day.
I have a problem with this mindset. See, society (plus media) have always led us to believe that we are part of a “whole” and to be “whole” is to find one’s “significant other” (also commonly referred to as “the other half”). These statements are based on the premise that we are born lacking something, and everything we do must be geared towards finding that something which we lack.
The thing is, one is born complete. We are not in a search for The One but we are The One. We are a pixel in this world and we have individual missions, passions and contributions. If you are in a romantic relationship now and still achieve the same fullness, Kudos.
One reason for the pressure in finding “The One” is how we understand the word “single”. Oftentimes, we connect the word single with being solitary, lonely and simply alone. In fact, the term “matandang dalaga” can be a valid societal insult because of its connotations (that perhaps, that person is so unlovable, unattractive or not rich enough). It’s hard but, we have to take a 180-degree turn. To be single or to be in a relationship doesn’t really mean anything…unless you experience growth in it.
I remember Samantha Jones from Sex and the City throwing an I-don’t-have-a-baby shower and Carrie Bradshaw giving herself a pair of good-looking shoes because she is celebrating a marriage to herself. That she will cherish herself and take care of herself as much as she would to a lover. Sure, let’s do that.
So a Spouse Hunt is not really necessary.
However, this Spouse Hunt has poisoned a lot of youth’s minds today! Networking sites are getting bigger and bigger, dating columns have gotten longer, tips on how to “catch his eye, “snag the perfect guy” and “keep the fire burning” are constant bestsellers. Bah. Makes the Spouse Hunt a full time job! And what’s more annoying is that society also has dictated gender assignments. Woman should wait for the man to make his move, woman should keep the man in the relationship and understand when he cheats because “boys will be boys”, then there are double standards, et cetera. Seriously, I can’t count the ways the women become at the losing end because of several stereotypes that keep reaffirming.
Let’s take a breather and step back from the poison of society’s impositions.
Truth is, after break-ups, people realize how much they’ve missed when they were in a relationship. Conversely, when they WERE in the relationship, they didn’t think they were missing a lot because they were having the best time of their lives. Singlehood brings you back to where you want to be, where you intended to be and what you have worked for all your life. Singlehood is insulated from the complications of hormonal floods, provides spaces for self-assessment and “catching up” with friends and family.
Dearest, rest your heart for a while and enjoy your life. Lover or no lover, you are The One. Tell me about you. Who’s in a hurry?
Wrote this 3 years ago. 🙂